I Would Have Despaired

“I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” Psalm 27:13 (NASB).

I stumbled upon this verse the other night and realized that it could have been my theme for the past three years. I had a lot to despair about, and some days I wanted to. I’m sure that many who know me and knew all that was going on expected me to lose it one day. I have certainly despaired over a lot less. But this time, while watching so much of life literally fall apart, I didn’t, and at times that did not make sense at all.

I’m sure it was God’s grace.

I know it also came from a firm decision I made when I knew life had taken that, “Life will never be the same” turn that certain old ways of coping with stress were not options anymore, and that included giving in to hopelessness. No matter how much I was losing, I had two sons who needed someone to be the grown up—someone to get up in the morning, make dinner, buy groceries, earn an income, do the hard things, and listen when they talked, and I could not do that if I despaired.

But when I read this verse I wondered if there was even more to it—that something in me knew that I would eventually “see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” I had seen it before, and I was seeing it even more as we lost one security after another yet never went without food or clothes, transportation or a spot in school I couldn’t afford to pay for, fun or comfort. The life I hoped for and many things I didn’t sign up for were over, but I was seeing the goodness of the Lord and knew I would continue to.

I hope that the next time I have a reason to despair, or think I do, I will remember this verse and the years of loss that made it come alive. Life gives us so many reasons to want to give up, but God provides countless more reminders of His goodness.      

Do you have a reason to despair today? Or maybe you are just frustrated, worn out, or overwhelmed. Let this verse remind you that you will see the goodness of the Lord. Ask Him to show you the many ways that you have seen it already.