Peace

 

I knew my emotions were revved up because I had snooped into something that was none of my business, but the information still stung. Something that I’d sensed for a long time was made public, triggering a whirlwind of anger mixed with sadness mixed with a strange relief (Well, at least I don’t have to wonder anymore.), with resurrected wounds thrown in for extra drama.  

I ranted to a friend and asked her to pray. I went for a walk and asked God to calm my heart. I journaled, read my Bible, and came to the conclusion that, in the end, as difficult as it was to accept, it was better to know the truth. Maybe God intended for me to see what I did so I wouldn’t be blindsided later. I went to bed feeling peaceful. Yes, this information hurt, but God had taken care of me through the crisis of my life and He would continue to. This news wasn’t shocking, I just didn’t like it, and I was surrounded by support and prayer and a God who was on my side.

Then I went for another walk the next evening and felt another wave of sadness/righteous anger/resurrected pain. I had been fighting it all afternoon and couldn’t figure out what happened. God, I thought I had peace with this. Deep down, I did. So why the sadness? Why the whiney “I wish I had a friend to unload on right now?” Was I doing the giving-it-to-God-only-to-take-it-back-again thing? The answer came almost immediately.

No, not at all. A new thought came to me: Peace doesn’t mean you don’t feel pain; it means you trust God with the situation and know He is going to take care of you no matter what happens. You still feel peace, but what you discovered was upsetting. Maybe it’s just time to let God heal what it stirred up.

I’m not sure if the thought came from God or my own mind, but something about the idea that I was not required to be okay with something that shouldn’t be brought real peace—peace that stuck. God wasn’t asking me not to feel, only to continue trusting Him, which I did.

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you” Isaiah 26:3 (NIV).

Thank You, Father, for giving peace even as we sort out our human emotions. Help me to cling to it as You continue to heal wounds.

What has God been teaching you about peace lately?